With Regard to Those Boys Unrefined

Some of you might know what I'm talking about.

It’s men we ought to fear, not our
reflections, something real that bites;
a ghastly sort of brazen power
that slithers through the soul and spites

all life that sits before it, pure
and seeks to clutch its gentle form
to wait until the moment’s sure
and wrench the life-force from its warm

unknowing hands and makes unclean
all things within its reach and kills
the innocent and gives the keen
and cackles as the lifeblood spills.

It’s men we ought to fear, not love;
who steal our beating hearts from us
and use the nothing left behind
as their artistic impetus.

It’s men, not beasts that spread and crave
and conquer all within their path
and rape the children they can save
and burn the wretched aftermath

and weep, and love; poeticize –
and stare at stars with fearful pride
and wipe from their unfeeling eyes
the pieces of the sky that died.

Alcuin of York -
Great poem, though we might have to give you the moniker 'misanthrope'. This is very powerful, and though the iambic quart tends to be singy-songy - a characteristic of the form - you've handled it very well indeed. The passion comes through clearly. S6L2 is awkward, the iambic inflections unnatural. It stands out like a sore thumb because all the other lines are so spot on. I think that minor thing is the worst that can be said about this write.
Well done!
Alcuin

Leanne -
Instead of "the conquest of all in their path", why not try "to conquer all along their path" or some such? That will get rid of a rather uncomfortably stressed line. Otherwise, I shall simply agree with Alcuin -- I imagine I do know what you mean

The fourth stanza, and the last, stand out as particularly strong -- but there's really not a weak one.

Aesthetic Psychosis -

It's funny. Because I was just looking at it and came to that same conclusion, then came here and read your comments.

I agree whole-heartedly - and will change the line.